e and f

so the one draws in

so the other draws out

it's continual and it's eventual.

it's gradual.

to stand, to speak, you gather your strength

you hold your head, you squeeze your hand

you breathe, so on and so on.

it lays around you, thick

you make the effort, draw it in,

you draw

you draw

you draw

you deeply draw

you draw deeply

and what do you open?

you are full, what do you open?

you do.

you do.

does it start as a trickle or

does it all at once, all at once

does it?

we gather the day like molten rocks

seething, bringing, scathing, peeling,

and in the night we slowly slowly,

bend, and breed and send the heat

flattened, stretched, and open

rising rising, waves so small and

still escaping

the end, we, still and chill

we, great and homely

we, nothing greater

than the one we held

released, ravished, reigned fully in

set the day to seethe again

springtime tallahassee

seriously, folks, what's better than 75 degree weather in december??

nothing!!!

t-shirts at christmas!!  bring it back!!

curse you, cold front.

this is simply a letter of protest.

eat a peach

am i fine because i'm fine?
or am i fine because i'm not thinking about it?


or are things simply too busy for me to focus
on more than one thing at a time?

i'm fine. for now.


emotionless almost.

a frank discussion

since it's a....ew. hold on.

since it's a slow week here on campus, and i'm stuck at work doing nothing from nine to five this whole week, i'm going to start a frank discussion.

first off: bernie mac. the man died. he was 50. he had a lung condition. he was funny. i started watching his show randomly once i got cable. at first i thought it was just some b-grade thing created so fox could have re-runs to show during the summer.

not. the case.


the show was funny. it had mostly black people in it. but that's not what made it funny.

bernie mac was funny.

the writing was good.

it was a funny show.

other than the show itself, it seems that bernie mac was a real person. he grew up in hard times in chicago, he had rough stuff happen in his life, and he made good.



on top of that, he wasn't a christian scientist, as far as i can tell. i think that's important.
bernie mac, i salute you. here here.

second: campus. parking on campus is awesome. i don't know what people are talking about "parking on campus is horrible."

in fact, i was riding my bicycle to work today (i work on campus. didn't you know?) and saw numerous student parking spots in garages and lots, even in the middle of campus!


third: halo 3. this is a game i like to play. i played it often. and then i quit. then i started playing again, but not as often. in truth, i don't even own the game. i'm borrowing it from a friend who never plays it. i've had it more than 6 months, i'm sure. i should remedy this situation. if you play and you like it, we should do this together. i'm slightly more than mediocre, if mediocre means "middle" which i think it does. it reminds me of "median."

fourth: band. i played with a band. for reference purposes, i typically play alone. which sounds sad. and i didn't think it was sad until i played with a band. then i realized that playing with a band makes playing alone sad.

fifth: sometimes playing alone is easier for many reasons. A: it requires less overhead. only one schedule has to be reconciled. the only feelings around to be hurt are one person's. B: if you make a mistake while performing alone, it can be easier to play it off. for instance: i tend to forget the lyrics to the songs that i wrote, which is strange because i wrote them. so, i forget them alot of times because i focus on something else, like the instrument i'm playing or the giant hole in the front of my pants, or the kids playing ping-pong just a few feet away. some of the time, i just get lost in the music i'm playing and forget to sing. either way, i occasionally forget my words. when this happens, i just keep playing chords until i remember, and then i sing them. this would be harder to do if i wasn't alone.


sixth: dinosaurs. when i was a kid i really liked dinosaurs. i think i started taking an active interest in dinosaurs when i was seven. maybe six. my best friend josh barber and i collected books and stickers and pencil erasers that looked like dinosaurs. we also played transformers and vampire, but that's not about dinosaurs. we would occasionally get so caught up in playing on the playground, swinging or revealing the matrix, that we wouldn't realize that there were no other kids on the playground and recess was over. that's not about dinosaurs either. so, i found out that paleontologists are the ones that learn about dinosaurs and i wanted to be one and so i learned how to spell paleontologist. my initial attempt was, i think, p-a-l-e-o-n-t-o-l-g-s-t, which was pretty good for 7. i realized later that i was wrong.

seventh: i no longer want to be a paleontologist.

eighth: the internet is strange. when i was seven, the year was 1988. how did i even find out about paleontology? also, the ankylosaurus is still my favorite.

ninth: eh. i'm done.

tenth: when i started blogging, i wasn't hungry, but now i am. it's been about an hour. i have raisins in my bag.

eleventh:

here's how to buy my crap on iTunes

if you want to buy the Deft EP by In Wrath, click that button above that says "itunes."

if i copied and pasted correctly, it should open your itunes and you'll see the ep.

you can buy it, or you can just write a review about it, if you already own it.

yeah. thanks!

josh

new corkboard mac

http://www.claudiosinatti.com/blog/?p=80

Updated Album Info!

hey. sorry to be annoying, but i'm excited.

Constant Records just updated their site with info on the EP.
Also, i updated the In Wrath purevolume site with a song and artwork, etc.

check it out and let me know what you think.

show, May 23rd, 9pm, free, illations cafe

yeppers.



my band, in wrath, which is me, is playing a show this friday, the 23rd at illations cafe (http://www. myspace. com/illationscafe)

i'm going on last, though i'm not sure why. actually, i'm okay with it.



anyways. come see me.



it's free, and the show starts at 9, and i'll go on around eleven maybe? maybe ten thirty.

there's three other bands besides me:

blair mcdaniel (he's good, from what i hear.)
paul chapman (ask this man his views on...well anything. it's fun.)
the silence (i have no idea who these people are. they have a good name though.)


and me. it says on the flyers "josh atkins", though it should read "in wrath" because that's really what's going on.




also, and i guess it's sort of a big deal, i'll be releasing my first EP that night. it's also the first release by tallahassee label Constant Records. (http://constantrecords.blogspot.com)

in wrath is very proud to be a part of the Constant Coalition! thanks to Chortley.



i'll have it in CD and...cassette tape. for real.


see you there.



let me know if you have any questions.

a lesson on the compact disc and its derivatives (or, how things can be too good to be true)

okay, so, i said earlier...

"hey look at me i'm getting my first cd pressed, not burned!" and you all were impressed. i was impressed.


i am now ashamed.


ashame-ed.

i just picked up my 50 shiny new discs, with full color printing on the face.

while i was talking to my contact, i noticed that the prevailing color running up and down the spindle of discs was of a greenish hue.

as soon as i got in the car...i flipped the disc...and beheld the glory that is cd-r (formerly known as cd-wo.)

so, i did some research and found out some things about cd's:

1) short-run duplication of cd's typically means "we use cd-r's" which makes sense once i realized
2) burning cd's is radically different than pressing cd's. burning is done with a laser beam. pressing is done physically to the cd.

let's go over that one again, more in depth and in a different order:

pressing cd's involves physically pressing the grooves and pits into the physical disc using a glass master which i think is also a negative form of the final product.

burning cd's is done by using a laser beam to burn grooves and pits into a layer of dye on the cd-r, using data from a master cd, or a computer, or a tape, or whatever..

two totally different things.


also when one presses a cd, it involves making and then baking (!) a master. that's right. music is cooked.


in summary:

a) making a real cd is way more like stamping vinyl than i thought.
b) burning cd's just seems cheap in comparison.



on the plus side, my cd's have a nifty picture printed on the face instead of the words "sony" or "memorex" or..."80 minutes" i guess.

that's good.

and it's not, i repeat not!!! on a paper label that's been slapped on top of said words. it's actually printed on the disc itself.

that my friends is, at the very least, high-falutin' and serves as some sort of consolation.


i'm sort of bummed.


but. i suppose it's not bad. it is my first release. i was planning on giving it away anyways.

or at least asking for small donations. or something.


anyways.

here's some haps:

1. i am playing a show. i've said this (and been told it) many times before and was incorrect...or lied to...or something. but this time, i don't know how it could be wrong.

i'm playing May 23rd at a place called "illations cafe" here in tallahassee. i think it's on raymond deihl road.

i'm playing with three or four other acts and the show starts at nine. i apparently go on around ten. which i guess means i'm playing second or third.


2. since i have these shiny new cd-r's i plan on having them for give (or get depending on your perspective) at the show. so, if you'd like three songs recorded and written and performed by me, there's your chance. hopefully i'll have cool packaging.


more than likely, it will be cooler in my head than it turns out, but i'm sure it will still be great.


thanks,
joshua

maybe the sun will shine today

the clouds will blow away...

maybe i won't feel so afraid.


-------------------------------------------------------


well, this is the last day of the semester, officially. i have an exam in about an hour and i have a bike outside that i'm going to ride. you can ride it if you like.

i'd give it to you if i could, but i'm selfish.


so, what lies in store for the summer? eh, just more work. lots of sweat. lots of water and electrolyte replacement drinks.

fun times?

maybe.

hanging out?

i hope so.

learning new things, playing new music?

probably not, but one can dream.

right?



-----------------------

i will try to understand



either way.

wowzers

i should be writing a paper.

but i'm not.

actually, i am, i just got distracted.

i haven't written in so long. i don't have time to just sit here and write about the happenings.

the haps.

haps.


-------------------------------------
saw iron and wine last night at the moon, right here in tallahssee.


it sucked.


------------------------------------
i'm putting out a cd. i'm turning in the master on saturday along with a cash payment for the pressing.

that's right. i said pressing. my first disc and i'm going in style. none of this cd-r crap.

the music may be crap, but at least it will be polished and shiny.


----------------------------------
after this semester is over (in two weeks) i'll have only the summer classes, the fall semester and a student teaching internship and i'm gone.

it's starting to hit me that college life is coming to an end. no longer will i be able to meet random cool people from all walks of life. instead, i'll have to work with snotty young adults who wish they were college age.

what was i thinking?

just kidding. but i realize now why old people always say..."man, college was great..." and sigh. because there really is nothing like college. it is great.

writing papers sucks, but the social aspects are understated. greatly.

-----------------------------

my wife has four less teeth in her head than she did the day i married her. no, we don't live in mississippi. i knocked them out. with the help of a few thousand dollars and a phenomenal oral surgeon.


talk to you next year.

endure this tragedy

"you should know by now
that we never come in peace..."

fate

the word "disaster" comes so quick


so quick, so quick.

nowhere to run...nowhere to hide

well. that was the strangest autumn ever.

florida's first frost. i saw it this morning as i left my hood.

my...hood.


there's one patch of city grass right as i get to hwy 27. it's not even suitable for a swingset but i saw it: one oddly shaped patch in the naked section, dew in the form of ice, maybe ten feet around, total.

in all of that, i still felt slightly overdressed. gloves, beanies, and bandannas are the best things. two layers of sock.

and a t-shirt in the bag.

welcome to the FL.

it's november.

w - w - w

remember kids:


Wool stays Warm when it's Wet.




-------------------------------------



i can count the number of times i've been honked at on my way to or from school this semester on one hand.


one of those fingers was this morning. (ha!)


listen, in case you didn't know:

it's dangerous for cyclists to swerve in traffic. because of this, if i'm on a street that is narrow, and one block down it widens, and then one block further it narrows again, i'm NOT going to take advantage of that extra room for the one block it lasts.

because then i'll have to swerve back into line when the road narrows again. and that's not safe for any of us.

get over it.

besides, i always catch you at the next red light. and pass you.

strongly disagree, disagree, no opinion, agree, strongly agree

just for the record, when you take undergrad psych classes at a research university, you will probably be required to be test subjects in grad student's experiments.

i know i am.

---------------------------


it's interesting. these days, it's really easy for me to write riffs. but no lyrics. until recently.

i've now got about two pages of random lyrics. which is good. i wish i had time at night to work on it. that's when i'm most creative.


---------------------------


so, autumn. it's here. and it's awesome. isn't it perfect weather for camping? isn't it?


isn't it??

---------------------------


here's some haikus i wrote about riding a fixed gear bike:

:cycle:

--------------------------------------
cloud of morning breath
quick look over left shoulder
morning comes too soon
--------------------------------------

dry and crumbled leaf
you travel with me, lowly
earthen ash and dust

--------------------------------------

down this morning hill
legs increasing cadence still
test of faith? or skill?

--------------------------------------

red light, o despair!
for i can only stand there
i have no balance!

--------------------------------------

bullhorns cold in hand
climb the evening hill fast
over all too soon

--------------------------------------
epilogue
--------------------------------------

oh god i forgot
my lights and now i am dead
stupid DST
--------------------------------------

blazin highs! white castle fries only come in one size...

tuesdays at work are always frustrating. there's never anything to do, because we've done it all and so i have to look busy when the boss is around.

college life is way to easy.

----------------------------------------------------------

alright, 32308 and surrounding areas: we need to be done with this rain thing. i'm tired of riding the less fun bicycle.

in other news, the talloween 3 race is this saturday! three or four hours of riding around tallahassee until midnight or later, scavenging for glory. and prizes.

scavenging.

------------------------------------------------------------

in yet other news, i'm now in the process of trying to get my gear together to play shows. do you have any gear you don't want? specifically reverb pedals, a/b pedals, any pedals? or any tips on stuff. i've played less than 10 shows in my entire musical...career.

or i'll just do it trial by fire. come watch me play.

-----------------------------------------------------------



i've got my drink and my two step.

yes i do.

truly guilty of being white

i'd really love to write a diatribe about how much injustice there is in this world, in our society, even in our city. i'd love to write about closed-minded people and lack of a true forum of debate.

i'd love to point these things out and make it mean something, make it make sense but i'm too worn out by it.

--------------------------------------------

the other night, i got scared. not fear, really. more of a mild panic followed by sullenness and elements of depression. i was heading east and i noticed winter clouds, the ones high up, covering the sky in front of me. i'm not ready for being cold. i'm not ready for shivering and being wet and miserable. i love the warmth, even though i've been wishing for it to go away, waiting for it.

years don't stop. but spring seems really far away.


---------------------------------------------

it might rain today and so i rode the rain bike. i've been riding the fixed gear and loving it: it fits me very well, and is a pleasure to ride. but today, the rain bike. which is a great bike. but after i got to school, my left hand had arthritic pain. i'm sort of prone to it, but it's been a year maybe since i've had it. maybe it's just the weather.

-------------------------------------------

history sucks. sorrow is a sage.

damien jurado and school

ride update:
rode my fixed gear today (i will never knowingly drop the "-ed gear" and add an "-ie"
when i describe what type of bike it is. shudder.) and hit almost every light green on the way. it was great. i put a foot down one time between home and class.

while my bike rides wonderfully, i'm also interested in two things:

1. how it looks. yeah yeah. it's stupid, but i like my bike to look classy.
2. experimentation. you know. trying different handlebars, different gear ratios, etc.

so, in an effort to satisfy #1, i took my black seat post collar and decided to make it shiny silver. i found out on the intrwebs that oven cleaner, metal polish and beer go a long way to making this happen.

basically, the oven cleaner removes paint or anodization, or whatever. water removes the residue and metal polish combined with steel wool makes it shiny and reflective. since i don't drink beer, i read a book instead. passed the time nicely. step one in removing as much black as i can from my bike and replacing it with shiny silver or white.

as for #2, i'm going to try some leather straps today, maybe, and see if i can find some of the dreaded RISER BARS!!! complete with oury grips. right right. it's the trendy thing to do, but honestly, i rode a friend of mine's bike with this setup (and a brooks saddle) and it was the most comfortable setup i've ever been on, on a road or track bike.

so maybe i'll like it and you can all make fun of me for being trendy. deal?


------------------------------------------------

went to volunteer interviews at club downunder the other night, which was awesome. so tryna and i went to CDU to see damien jurado the other night.

he's a good songwriter. "abilene" is a song that stays in my head for days and days. he's been around for a while but doesn't really have the popularity he should, in my opinion. he's been on a few labels including subpop. anyways, when we went to CDU, the kids at the door recognized me and let tryna in for free.

anyways, i'm really looking forward to getting involved with shows and music again. it's been awhile and i really really miss it.

------------------------------------------
"hybrid" classes = online classes with face time = bad suck ew. don't be fooled.

fsu = harder than tcc. i'm just ready to be done with school.

crash update

more info that i found out about the aftermath of that crash i told you about a few days ago:

"he got hit while riding in a crosswalk- a dangerous, yet entirely legal (in florida) maneuver. the guy who hit [him] while he was being a pedestrian got his windshield shattered. [the cyclist] got a 120something$ ticket and one of the above-mentioned goody bags. his is a pretty expensive slap bracelet.
this incident was a perfect example of FSUPD not knowing/caring about the law as it applies to motorists."

-courtesy of ddub.




that sort of blows.